


Not Alone

by SplashofMagicX



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Taeyong-centric, Mentioned Kim Jungwoo (NCT), Mentioned Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Mentioned Moon Taeil, Stressed Lee Taeyong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23643685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SplashofMagicX/pseuds/SplashofMagicX
Summary: The stress of life as an idol and lack of sleep have been piling up on Taeyong, and it all comes to head one morning. He tries to pull through it without worrying his friends, but they help him realize that they are there to support him just as he supports them.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 213





	Not Alone

Taeyong awoke in the early hours of the morning with an ache behind his eyes. It was probably from the lack of sleep and the overwhelming stress that had been plaguing him more than usual for the past few months. He sighed and rolled over in his bed, flipping the heavy covers off of him as he turned. Everything had built up into a slight headache that he was certain would go away by midday.

An intense throbbing pain made itself known to him as he sat up, but after his initial wince, he ignored it as well as he could as he got dressed and quickly styled his hair in the faint light that creeped through their curtains. Once he was finished, he made his way to the kitchen, not bothering to turn on any lights as he could find his way even in the darkness.

The little slivers of light filtering in through the blinds in the kitchen was enough for him to see by, so he started making a simple breakfast for the other members. His head didn’t seem to hurt as much if he stayed still and avoided looking directly at the light, he noticed as he stood at the stove. He had almost forgotten about it by the time he heard the noise of everyone waking up and moving around the dorm.

And then the voices got louder as they made their way to the kitchen and Taeil flipped on the kitchen light. Taeyong flinched noticeably as the throbbing resumed with a vengeance, and he hoped they would just assume he was surprised at their sudden appearance.

“You guys should start eating,” he told the other members with a smile as he placed dishes in the middle of the table. “I’m just going to finish getting ready before I join you.” He waved away their suddenly too loud protests with a strained smile and headed for the bathroom, where he was sure they had a bottle of painkillers sitting in the cabinet.

After rifling around for a minute or two, he found the bottle hidden behind someone’s container of skin cream. He swallowed two pills with water from the sink, head throbbing when he stood up straight afterward. He was sure it would pass soon enough though. It had to. He didn’t have time for a setback like this, not with vocal practice and recording in the morning and dance practice in the afternoon. If it didn’t go away, he would just have to work through it.

With a sigh, he shut the cabinet door and went to rejoin his friends in the kitchen. He didn’t eat a lot, pain stealing his appetite. He could always get a snack later in the day if he needed to.

By the time the group was sitting in the vans, chatting away loudly on the way to the company building, the throbbing had begun to pound with each shout and peel of laughter that echoed in the enclosed space. The pain medication didn’t seem to have done much of anything. He tried his best to keep a frown off his face, but he sighed with relief when they finally arrived and entered the building.

On the way up to the practice room, Johnny and Jaehyun pulled him aside and allowed the others to pass them by. Taeyong’s questioning look was answered by Jaehyun. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked with a low voice and furrowed brows.

The leader met his eyes and then glanced over to see Johnny’s look of concern before smiling at them both. He shouldn’t be worrying them like this. They had more than enough on their plates at the moment. “I’m fine,” he reassured them gently, smile never leaving his face. When they didn’t look convinced, he sighed quietly. “I’m just tired, you know? But we all are. It kind of comes with the territory.” He smiled again to reassure them. “I’ll make sure to get some sleep tonight, and it’ll be fine.” Taeyong wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince them or himself at that point.

Jaehyun and Johnny shared a look before nodding hesitantly and leading him down the hallway. Apparently, his promise to rest that night had done the trick.

They caught up with the others just as they were heading into the practice room. They started off with vocal practice, which made Taeyong question how he was going to make it through the day. Although it would normally bring him joy to hear the others sing and rap their lines perfectly, now it felt as though his skull was too small to house his aching brain. As if that wasn’t bad enough, his own verses drove spikes of pain through the left side of his head. He worked through it, though he was scolded by their managers for losing focus whenever his voice faltered and he was forced to start over.

He was thankful when the vocal trainers called for them to stop—thankful, that was, until he was reminded that they would be doing recordings for another couple of hours until their lunch break. When he was sure everything was put together and his members were ready to go, he escaped to the bathroom for a few minutes of blessed silence and took a few deep, steadying breaths. They did nothing to stop the sensation of knives being jammed into his skull, which hadn’t faded like he had hoped. After splashing his face with water in a vain attempt to refresh himself, he headed back to the recording studio, wincing at the bright lights of the hallway as he went.

_It’s okay_ , he told himself as he paused just outside the door to the studio. _Just get through the recording session, and you’ll feel better_.

It felt like an empty promise. He couldn’t remember ever having a headache this bad, not in his entire life. And the painkillers he had taken earlier hadn’t done anything to lessen the pain. He would make it, though. He had to.

Taeyong plastered on a smile, opened the door to the recording studio, and got back to work.

* * *

By the time they finished recording, he thought he might be sick. Nausea had reared its ugly head sometime between his own recording at the beginning of the session and Haechan’s at the end.

Taeyong’s session had been okay—not great, but okay. Any other day, he would have been insisting that he redo it until it was perfect, but the lights were glaring down at him, and the sound of the other members’ voices were blasting through his brain, and he didn’t think he could do anything more until this damned headache went away. Still, the recording must have been satisfactory enough because the managers and sound technicians had stopped scolding him by the end of his session.

When they finished recording Haechan’s parts, it was past time for lunch, so the managers hurried them down to the cafeteria to eat quickly. Taeyong stopped one of the managers outside the cafeteria and begged off lunch by claiming he wasn’t hungry and felt a bit tired. The nauseous feeling bubbling in his stomach would never allow him to eat, he was sure. Even the smell of food was enough to have him holding his breath, which only served—like everything else—to increase the pounding of blood in his continuously aching head.

He faced the hard stare of the older man when he quietly asked if it would be acceptable for him to take a quick nap in the dance studio, but the manager eventually relented after a long look at Taeyong’s face. He probably looked as awful as he felt then. Taeyong fervently thanked him and made his way upstairs slowly, as gently as he could.

He left the lights off when he entered and lay down on the hard wooden bench with his jacket as a pillow, but the darkness didn’t seem to make any difference at that point. The pulsing pain had progressed too far, encompassing his entire head and even his neck and shoulders. He pressed his forearm into his eyes in an effort to stop the ache there, and he felt himself begin to tear up when it had no effect. He took a deep breath, winced once again when the pain became more intense, and willed the tears away. The others would be upstairs in no time, and he couldn’t let them see him like this, brought down by a mere headache. They had faced much worse.

Taeyong was so focused on his breathing that he was only dimly aware of the sound of footsteps and boisterous laughter as his group members approached the door. Once the door was opened, though, the pain brought forth from their voices hit him again. He sat up carefully and squinted over at his friends just as someone flipped the light switch. Blinding light cut into his eyes without mercy, and he couldn’t keep himself from wincing and clenching his eyes shut. His stomach bubbled uneasily.

The sound of approaching footsteps forced him to open his eyes and squint up at his members. He plastered a cheery smile on his face and stood carefully, hoping to pass off his behavior as him adjusting to the sudden light. 

“You okay?” a few of them asked. Thankfully, he was saved from having to answer when their choreographer entered the room and closed the door behind her.

“Well, let’s get started,” she called out, and the group began their normal stretches. Taeyong smiled in reassurance at his worried friends and began stretching with the group. He could barely focus on what he was doing, but his body moved through the stretches from memory. Maybe he could make it through the afternoon after all.

Then they got into formation for their new title track. The choreographer pressed play, and the knives were back, stabbing unforgivingly into his brain with each beat of the heavy bass. Taeyong flinched and strained his ears to hear the beat over the sound of blood pounding through his eardrums and pulsing through his brain. Saliva coated the inside of his mouth, and he swallowed down the nausea that had risen its ugly head once again. He moved with the group though—did his best to match the beat and allowed his muscle memory to direct him.

But as the song continued to play, his vision blurred. _Tears_ , he thought with horror, but no, he wasn’t crying. The others seemed like hazy figures surrounding him, and his eyes couldn’t seem to focus on anything. And then the beat reached a renewed pitch, and the knives became a hammer, crushing his skull into pieces. He couldn’t keep going. He stumbled to the left and clutched at his head as his throat filled with acid. He swallowed it down. He clenched his eyes shut in an effort to somehow fix his vision, but when he opened them again, the world was still blurred around him. Taeyong clenched his eyes shut again.

He was breathing heavily to keep the nausea at bay, and his head pulsed with each breath. He was dimly aware of the music cutting off abruptly. Although he could now hear voices crowding around him, he couldn’t understand what they were saying, and he just wanted them to stop. It was too loud, too loud, too loud. He would open his mouth to say so, but he thought that if he did, he might finally throw up what little food he had eaten that morning.

With his eyes closed, he couldn’t seem to tell which way was up or down. He felt himself tilting, and then there was a soft pressure on his elbow. His knees couldn’t quite seem to stop shaking. His legs gave out, he dropped to the floor, but the impact didn’t hurt as badly as he had expected it would.

There was something warm wrapped around his waist, and then something else touching his forehead. He couldn’t open his eyes again to see what it was though. The pain was excruciating, easily the worst pain he had ever felt in his life. He was gasping for air, great heaving gasps that only seemed to hurt his head even more, but he couldn’t stop.

And then it was abruptly, blessedly quiet, and the red-orange of the inside of his eyelids faded to black. His breathing slowed slightly as the overwhelming sensations ceased to exist. The only thing he was aware of now was the hard wooden floor beneath his legs and the warmth of someone’s hand on his back—and of course, the pulsing agony in his head and the ache in his neck and shoulders.

Then there was a gentle hand pressing against his chest, pushing him slowly toward the floor. The other hand slid away as his back met something that was rather softer than he had remembered the wooden floor of their dance studio to be, but he didn’t have the energy or state of mind to question it. The hands directed him to lay back further, and the back of his head met something soft and warm, comfortable. Someone straightened his legs out to lay them gently on the floor. The entire time, he heard nothing more than the whisper of clothes against the ground.

The hand that had been resting on Taeyong’s chest traced a path down to his own hand and then clasped it gently before bringing it up to rest against something warm. Taeyong could feel the breath entering and exiting the person’s lungs. The sensation was relaxing, and after a short time, he felt his own erratic breathing settle down.

The pain in his head was still excruciating, but without the extra sensory input, he could focus on his own breathing and that of the person sitting next to him, and the pain faded somewhat along with his consciousness.

* * *

Taeyong awoke with a comforting warmth against his back and a dull ache in his head. He felt quite disoriented when he tried to think about how he had fallen asleep. He remembered recording his parts for the new album. They had taken a break for lunch. And then… The short attempt at dance practice had ended horribly, with him on the floor in excruciating pain. Then what?

He shifted slightly and slowly opened his eyes. The room was dark, but there was enough light filtering in from under the door that he could see a figure sitting next to him. He squinted a bit, which sent a bolt of pain through his skull, and was able to make out Doyoung’s features.

Taeyong coughed gently to clear his throat, and Doyoung turned to face him. He smiled when he saw that Taeyong was awake and scooted closer to him. “Hey,” he whispered. It sounded too loud to Taeyong’s ears, but he wouldn’t complain. “How are you feeling?”

Just then, the warm pillow under Taeyong moved, alerting him to the fact that it was not, in fact, a pillow but another of his friends. Johnny’s face peeked down at him, and Taeyong realized he must have been lying with his head on Johnny’s thighs. It really was quite comfortable, but the older man probably wanted his legs back. When he tensed his muscles to sit up though, Johnny put a gentle hand on his shoulder to keep him where he was. “Don’t move,” he whispered.

Taeyong finally turned back to Doyoung, remembering that the younger man had asked him a question. “What happened?” he asked, wincing as the effort of speaking caused a renewed throbbing of his head. “Have I been sleeping for long?”

Doyoung and Johnny shared a look before turning back to Taeyong. “Our choreographer thinks you got hit by a pretty intense migraine,” Doyoung answered softly. “We turned off the lights, and the others went to practice in a different room while we stayed with you.” Doyoung paused to take a look at his watch, tilting it toward the light coming from under the door so he could see the clock hands. “I think you’ve only been out for a little over an hour. How are you feeling now?”

“A migraine?” Taeyong echoed. Well, that would explain the intense pain. Although he had had plenty of stress and tension headaches, it was his first time experiencing a migraine. “I feel…better,” he answered hesitantly.

Johnny sighed. “But you still feel like shit, right?” At Taeyong’s whispered confirmation, Johnny continued quietly. “The choreographer said that would probably be the case. She said she’s seen a lot of trainees and idols with migraines in her time here, so she figured you wouldn’t exactly be feeling great after waking up.”

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong whispered, feeling as if he had let them down somehow. And they were missing practice because of him too. The guilt only served to make his head throb more.

“You don’t need to apologize, Taeyong,” Doyoung assured him and leaned closer.

Johnny cut Doyoung off before he could say more. “Why didn’t you say anything? You haven’t felt good all day, right?” Although the older man’s voice was quiet, Taeyong could sense that he was irritated. “Jaehyun and I even asked you this morning—you could have told us.”

“I—I just thought it was a headache this morning,” Taeyong tried to explain. “It didn’t seem that bad at first, so I thought I could make it through the day and sleep it off tonight…” It seemed stupid now. He had wanted to keep the group on schedule, but he had ended up throwing off their timetable with his negligence. The throbbing in his head had gotten worse as they talked.

Johnny sighed again, but this time it seemed resigned rather than irritated. “Taeyong, you need to take better care of yourself.”

The leader nodded and immediately winced as the throbbing became more intense—not nearly as bad as it had been earlier, but still painful.

“Right,” Doyoung interrupted before either of them could say anything else. “We’ll worry about scolding our fearless leader later,” he directed at Johnny before turning to meet Taeyong’s eyes. “Let’s get you home for now so that you can actually get some rest.”

Taeyong couldn’t even argue with that. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle that intense pain again. “Okay,” he whispered, knowing that a nod would just cause him more agony.

The other two moved almost silently, collecting their own things along with Taeyong’s. Johnny handed him a pair of sunglasses to block out the light, and Doyoung passed him his own set of earphones to help dull the sounds that would surround them. It was cold outside too, so they could get away with wrapping a scarf around his neck and ears and pulling a hat down as far as possible over his eyes. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do until they could get back to their dorm.

Doyoung went to speak with their manager to tell him that Taeyong was awake and ready to return home for the day—apparently, they had talked it all over while he had been asleep. According to Johnny, the older man felt guilty for scolding Taeyong all morning when he found out the reason for the leader’s lack of focus. That must have been why he volunteered to drive the three of them back to the dorms.

After taking a look at Taeyong’s paler than normal complexion and his subtle winces as they passed through the noisy, well-lit building, he seemed even more concerned. Walking outside was like stepping into hell. Everything was too bright, too loud, too much. Doyoung whispered instructions for him to close his eyes and allow himself to be led by the other two, and he complied immediately. But even through the earphones, Taeyong could hear the noises of a busy afternoon in Seoul. He clamped his hands over his ears as the sounds sent spikes of pain through his brain.

They made it to the van quickly, though, and they were settled inside and on the road in a few minutes. Taeyong kept his hands over his ears and his eyes clenched tightly shut throughout the ride, unable to withstand the bombardment to his senses despite his friends’ best efforts to help him. His head had resumed its earlier pounding tempo, and he hoped they could make it home before he reached the same debilitating state he had experienced in the dance studio.

As soon as they reached the building and the vehicle stopped running, Doyoung and Johnny ushered Taeyong into the dark silence of the dorm, followed by the manager, who shut the door quietly behind him.

Once the other two got Taeyong wrapped in his covers and settled into bed, the manager whispered his request for them to keep him updated and then left to return to the company.

Taeyong breathed deeply through the pain as the window was covered with extra blankets to block out all the afternoon light. Once finished, Doyoung and Johnny settled in on either side of their leader, and one of them—Taeyong couldn’t be sure which—gently pried his tensed hands away from his ears and settled them by his side. Other hands removed the earphones and, before he could open his mouth to protest, replaced them with something soft and fluffy, perhaps cotton. He relaxed slightly, despite the pain, as he was more comfortable in his own bed with the warmth of his two friends on either side of him. Next, they pulled off Johnny’s sunglasses and replaced them with an eye mask. It had probably been stolen from Jungwoo’s bed, and he hoped the younger man wouldn’t mind.

He could feel himself relaxing, the pain becoming more and more manageable now that his senses were dulled, and then he felt weightless. The darkness, silence, and warmth worked together to lull him to sleep for the second time that day.

* * *

When Taeyong awoke to an uncomfortable fullness in his bladder, he felt confused for a few seconds about how he had ended up in bed and why there was a strange, light pressure on his eyes and ears. Then he remembered the migraine and the resulting eye mask and make-shift earplugs. While the pain had completely faded, his head felt fuzzy and stiff—still in the clutches of exhaustion. When he shifted, he was also reminded of the tightness in his neck and shoulders, probably from being tensed with pain throughout the day.

Upon shifting again, he became aware of the living, breathing sources of warmth on either side of him. Had Johnny and Doyoung stayed with him the entire time?

Unable to sit still any longer, especially when he didn’t even know what time it was, Taeyong reached up to slowly lift the eye mask from his face. The room was pitch-black, but that didn’t tell Taeyong anything since the window was covered with blankets. He pulled the cotton from his ears. The dorm was silent, which either meant that the others hadn’t returned from practice yet, or it was the middle of the night.

Taeyong glanced down at the person to his left, expecting Johnny—only to see Ten curled up at his side. To his right was Jaehyun, turned away from Taeyong but still keeping him warm. He smiled down at them, although they couldn’t see it. It must be nighttime if these two were home already.

A twinge from his bladder reminded him why he had awoken in the first place. With a grimace, he sat up gingerly, half-expecting to be assaulted with pain again. It seemed the migraine had run its course, though.

Once he had untangled himself from the blankets and his friends as quietly and gently as possible, he stood and headed for the door. He peeked his head out into the hallway to see only darkness, although there was a faint light coming from the living room.

Taeyong headed straight for the bathroom, and hesitantly turned on the light. Although the light hurt his eyes, thankfully it didn’t cause any pain in his head.

As soon as he was finished and had washed his hands, he turned off the light and headed for the living room to see who was still awake. His mind was still groggy, and he was ready to go back to sleep, but he wanted to check on whoever might be having trouble sleeping.

His question was answered as soon as he peeked into the living room—Johnny and Doyoung were sitting on the couch scrolling through something on their phones.

Taeyong mumbled a sleepy greeting as he shuffled closer to them.

They looked up from their phones instantly, and Doyoung jumped up from the couch to meet Taeyong where he stood. “How are you feeling now?” he whispered.

“Much better,” Taeyong answered with a heartfelt smile. “My head doesn’t hurt anymore,” he continued, knowing they would want a longer explanation. “I’m really tired though, so I’m going back to sleep. I just wanted to check on whoever was still awake first.”

Johnny laughed softly from the couch. “Only you, Taeyong. You just woke up from a migraine induced sleep and you wanted to make sure we were okay.” Taeyong would have been offended if Johnny’s tone wasn’t so clearly teasing.

“Well, I’ll go back to sleep _now_ then, if you’re just going to tease me,” Taeyong answered in as joking a voice as his exhaustion would allow. He smiled to make sure his sarcasm came across, and the answering laugh was enough to show that it had.

“Go to sleep,” Doyoung prompted him. “Ten and Jaehyun will be lonely without you,” he teased as he gently pushed the leader back toward the hallway. “We’ll go to sleep soon too, promise.”

“Okay, okay.” Taeyong chuckled sleepily and headed back down the hallway to his shared bedroom and his bed where Ten and Jaehyun were waiting for him.


End file.
